Memorial Day

It's Memorial Day and I have no treatment until tomorrow. I am very grateful to those who gave the ultimate sacrifice for our nation, heck humanity for that fact. I realize without those who gave their lives I would not , in all reality have a chance to beat this cancer. I think of all of the advancements made in so many areas of life , manufacturing, medical , technology and we are directly benefiting from a free nation , secured by those who gave it all. So when I feel a little fatigued today, or have pain I need to remember what sacrifice really is, and note to myself that i have done little in that area. I am still being hit with sudden hunger attacks, which is good , because I can still eat, but they come sometimes in the middle of the night and I might wake people up as I am rummaging through the refrigerator for anything to microwave, followed by dessert ,of course. The doctor estimates that my body is in need of anywhere from 7500 to 10,000 calories per day right now just to stay even. this is a result of the radiation poisoning and my bodies efforts to combat it. I wonder if I am doing enough in my spiritual walk as well. Am I causing myself to have sudden Hunger attacks for Gods word ? The verse that comes to mind right now is Mathew 4:4 But he answered and said, It is written, Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of God.

 today I might get a chance to play the guitar , and that would be great for me and my mental state of health. That's all for now.Thanks , Jeff

3rd down and 27 yards to go, or 3rd and long

today was the 3rd treatment in a series of 30. I noticed a little discomfort in my throat the was prolonged and still hasn't subsided as I write this entry. I have a headache that wont go away and I am feeling a bit fatigued earlier than usual. Good thing is I have 3 days until my next treatment, due to the memorial day weekend. I will have the chance to have my body recover somewhat. I have noticed that I am very hungry most of the time, so this means I am burning a lot of calories, more than I can take in, but I am eating like a horse so this is a good thing. My father in law has been great, he has handled the kids while we go to treatment, and he has done a few of the items on my "honey do" list for me that I either don't have energy to do or in more cases than not the knowledge or skill to do. He has installed the wood burning fireplace and installed a couple of grounded outlets, which this house so desperately needs. He has done some other things too but they just don't come to mind right now. I do know that having him here has been great for my wife. She has been enjoying his visit and he has been a tremendous blessing to us. I am tired right now so I am signing off but before I do, the scripture that I read this morning before we left really struck a chord with me and it was  Hebrews 11:1 "faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen...." awesome stuff when you really think about it. that's all for now....

Treatment underway

today i completed my 2nd day of treatments. the Dr says i will need 30 treatments in all, so,...2 down 28 to go. My only side effect so far is a minor throat irritation and i am a little more tired than usual. I am going in to this round of treatments at a weight of 175.93. It will be interesting to see if i can keep up with the calorie requirements my body needs . I don't have a feeding tube this time so it should be a little better. My mental health is doing much better too. On the way to treatment today I was pulled over by Twin Falls finest for doing 40 in a 35, wow. I had my cruise control on and was doing 35, so it must be off or something because he was adamant about my speed. I decided not to argue the fact. I just told him that my mind might have been on other things as I was on my way to radiation treatment, etc... I also did not have my current insurance card, so,... he wrote me up for proof of insurance and gave me a warning on the speed. I can get the infraction dismissed by showing my current card which I have now placed in the car. If he felt any compassion for me it was by way of the speeding ticket warning, but he was still able to issue something to me to show he's doing his job. I will now have to stop by the courthouse in twin falls after radiation treatment to get it dismissed. at first I was a little put off by the situation, but after reflecting back I have much to be grateful for, one is that I have a car to drive, and that it is insured and that I have a valid license and current registration, so, I am blessed. I think of  2 Corinthians 12:9 "My grace is sufficient for you....."My father in law is visiting and helping out during the first part of treatment, I don't think he really believes how inexpensive real estate is here so he went out and I think he is buying some fixer upper so he could have something to do, I think he likes to stay busy. Truth is he is getting a great deal on a house and he could do very well when its done,... well that's all for now . 

first day of treatment

well,... i look back over my last post and see that i was not in a very good place. I need to be grateful for what i do have and look toward the future. I was just reflecting on the unfortunate things that have happened to people since my last post , and I am sure they would rather be on my shoes right now, there was that plane crash , and the numerous car bombs, natural disasters,etc... all innocent people hurt or died because of these events, I need to remember that I am still alive after three years and that is a lot more than I originally thought I could hope for , so, we fight on. Today we finally get to go into he hospital for my first treatment, and then counsel with my oncologist afterwards, we will get to see how long it will take and what time of the day we need to be there. We will be driving over 100 miles daily round trip for this treatment. The last time I started radiation treatment I was a very fat and comfortable 210 lbs. the radiation took almost 75 lbs off of me, and since then I have been able ti put weight back on , and now i am at 175. I hope and pray that I wont lose as much weight this time. I have somethings going for me and one is there will be no need for a feeding tube so i should be able to eat all the fattening stuff i want. as long as the radiation doesn't make me sick to my stomach i should be able to limit the amount of weight loss this time. I will be seeing the same radiation team as i saw last year so its going to be a weird kind of reunion. one i wish was under different circumstances. One of the good things about this time around is that we get to see family from California. My father in law is staying with us right now and he is here to help out the first leg of the treatment, then my brothers coming and then after him my mother in law, so, we, i mean my wife will get some much needed help with me not exactly able to handle things as per usual. Just remember to keep a positive attitude and it will work out as God has planned. Well, that's it for now....

a spiritual battle indeed

well, I went for my simulation test on Thursday... no word yet as to when I start my treatment, and we wait patiently for when. there is so many warring angles working right now I could not even comprehend it if I could see it in the flesh. so many factors are raging against me and my spiritual health right now that I know i need intervention from Jesus to help me. I want to , not do any of this, (write this blog, go thru with treatment, try to fight this again, it hurts too much. I can remember last time and I am not looking forward to it again. Why am I on this earth ???? three years now and i am still not free of this demon called cancer. just as I think i can start to look in a forward direction, bam sick again , and i am done. ! I know intellectually that I need a good attitude and as i read the last few days entry's i see that i had one. I think it has to do with the fact that I have become more of a liability to my family and friends than an asset and I never wanted to be that. it was really hard for me to go to the simulation test because they fit me with this mask again and it does not feel all that great. if you are the claustrophobic type then it is not for you. well at least i am keeping my commitment to write in this journal because that is all i have that I can say i have accomplished, I know this is a bad attitude day, but what do you want all sunshine and lollipop's. ? I suppose I should be grateful because others have it a lot worse than me so maybe the next entry will reflect a better me......

renewed energy

I'm feeling much better today after yesterdays virus. I am looking forward to spending the day with my little Hannah. Her and I will spend all day today in town ,just her and I. She seems to like that the best, and I get alot of great one on one time with her. She is such an awesome little kid. she is # 3 in the pecking order and yet she is sweet as can be with me and she loves the lord already and she is just 6. She actually looks like the little blond kid in the movie how to train your dinosaur named Astrid with some of the same tude. She sure has learned how to hold her own against her two older sisters who are no pushovers..the last time we spent time together like this we were talking about God and stories in the bible and she asked are there any girls that were great in the bible ? Wow , I realized I was not teaching her, her rightful place of greatness in life so I started with Eve and moved on from there but when I got to Esther she was interested in the fact that it was a true story and not just an other Veggie tales video. Interesting insight as to what the children comprehend..... I searched for a scripture where I felt all people,both men and women could gain courage from, in this instance and I liked  ..Acts 2:17-18 ..the best. Well tomorrow I go to the hospital for my simulation test. more to follow on that subject. I am really looking forward to practicing with my band on Friday. we have been off our regular schedule due to the bassist and lead singer is an over the road trucker for the summer and is only home a certain times , so Friday we practice. Music has been such a great tonic for me, It always lifts my spirits and I tend to forget about the pain in my arm during the few hours we play. well that all for now...

a slow day

Today I spent most of my time in bed with a nasty virus that has been going around. It makes it difficult to keep your attitude right when you are not feeling well. However, I can not let that deter me from what is ahead of me and I must keep the right attitude , because it will be necessary.
I asked my two older daughters the other day how they felt about me and the cancer coming back. There answers were wonderful, they have such a great attitude, one of them said well, it's not like this is the first time and you will be fine, they both are happy that I wont need a feeding tube this time because they know what difficulties that brings. One of my daughters did admit to me that she was sorry she did not want to come see me during the last time of treatments because she couldn't stand to see me in such pain. She asked me ,will it be like that again ? I told her that I did not know , but if it is she did not need to feel obligated to come see me while I was taking treatment, that it was OK and that I understood ,and that I knew she loved me. But I reminded them both that I will be making sure they do there chores, etc...they said , yeah great. I think I will get my youngest daughters feelings from her when the time is right. The last time she doted over me so much while I was in the hospital, and I don't know how she feels this time. Anyway....children are surely a blessing from God !!! That's all for today....

The waiting game

This week we wait for a game plan to treat my cancer. I go to the Hospital on Thursday to map out the radiation treatment plan, then we find out, will it be 5 or 7 weeks. Hoping for 5. I will also be seeing a Dr. that same day who will be doing a new test on me in regards to my neurological pathways that were completely rerouted and in some cases damaged after my first fight against this thing. I had to undergo a radical neck dissection the first time and it caused havoc to the right side of my body. I have continual pain in my right arm and numbness that hasn't subsided . This has been three years now. The hope is that they will be able to find out exactly where the damage is and if treatable , treat it. I have noticed a change in my sleeping patterns and I am not sure if it is due to stress or too much coffee, I think I will cut back on the stress.I look to the good book and find James 1:2-4 to quiet my mind and spirit, and to give me strength that there is a purpose to all of this.Well that's all I have right now.

Here we go again....

It seems that Satan does not want me to succeed in Gods plan for me. I am now looking at the challenge of beating cancer for the third time in three years. Wow, I guess the upside to all of this is that when I do beat it again, I will ask for Gods direction in my life and do what he tells me to do, instead of interpreting what I think he said to fit into what my plans are . I think this makes sense to those of you who are stubborn and thick headed ,(like me) who think there way is best and etc.... I think I am already doing that because I started this blog and ministry. I hope and pray that my overcoming these battles helps someone else who thinks they can't overcome or who thinks that God has forgotten about them. He hasn't. I will be receiving radiation treatment for this battle, could be anywhere from 5 and 1/2 weeks to 7 weeks. The lest time I battled this it was for 9 weeks. So,....I guess I am doing better this time. Remember attitude is everything when you go up against any challenge. Well I will let you know what happens next when I go for my radiation simulation test next Thursday. I will find out then the status of my treatment. ...Jeff