Finally Over

Well, I received the last treatment on Friday. It is now Tuesday morning. The reason for the delay in the update is that once the treatment was completely finalized, i was able to get some rest. I have been feeling ill for the last few weeks of the treatment and I went to bed for two days, the Dr also allowed me to now treat my radiation burn as a burn so the healing process for my skin has begun. It seems like there is never a time to catch up on rest, or chores, or whatever. Just as I knew the time to sleep and recover would be short lived, I had to rise and shine on Monday to start preparing for the big family reunion coming up next week. We actually have some relatives arriving tomorrow, but I am excited to see them, I just hope my attitude and energy will be good while they are here. One of the people to visit early will be my dad. He has been a great source of support to our family as we have battled this cancer now 3 times in the last 3 years.I cant wait to spend some time with him before the rest of the family gets here. My sister is also coming with her husband, and there little boy. he is my sons age so it should be a blast. Well that's all for now, I hope i don't have to write anymore of these entries. I don't see the doctor again until august 10th, I will update the status on this blog after that appointment. That's it for now, Jeff

26 down 4 to go

Its Saturday and because of the holiday the hospital is not open on Monday so no treatment until Tuesday. This is good because I have such a severe burn on my collarbone area that I need all the time to rest in between treatments. I only have 4 treatments to go and so far the doctor seems optimistic that I will have gotten the entire tumor. We will find out after the treatments when they go back in and do a cat scan. I hope I get more rest today so I can play at the 4th of July concert. Our band has been working on some new songs so we need to perform them live to get a real feel for them. Well I am going to bed and the sun is still out , but that is how it is way up here on the 43rd parallel. I am getting up later when it is dark to light of fireworks a day early because we will be at the concert tomorrow and there will be fireworks in the sky. Well that is all for now. Jeff

been a long time (22 down 8 to go) I think

it has been at least 8 treatments(I think)  since my last post. many reasons why, but the main one is that it is starting to hurt. Not the typing, the radiation. My skin is inflamed and i use a lotion that has prescription strength numbing stuff in it, otherwise i cant wear any type of clothing over the area because my skin is too sensitive. I am also tired, very tired and the littlest of tasks wears me out. I am also not as hungry as I was before , my stomach is always nauseous and I take medication for that too. The fact that I am typing this is an effort in its self, but I figured if I didn't at least put something up on the board some people might think I'm dead. I have been getting allot of rest but I am still tired. Our band is scheduled to play at a 4th of July concert in Heyburn ID. I think I can do it, because we don,t go on until later in the show and it will have been almost a full 48 hours since my last treatment(just like now) My family has been great. My wife should be awarded an other gold medal for her help,, my children have been great (as usual,when I am sick) and my mother in law is in town to help and it has been great having her here to help. Well the scriptures always keep me full of courage the one that comes to mind for me right now is 1 Chronicles 28:20... "be strong and of good courage , do not fear nor be dismayed, for the LORD GOD will be with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you,.....    that's all for now , Jeff

Sunday, day of rest

well, I started today, Sunday off by not going to church, I guess I was just too worn out from the week and needed the extra sleep and rest. My family did go however so that is a good thing. I just stayed in bed and slept for an additional 4 hours. This was good for me, because tomorrow we start right back up again with treatments, all week. I did however upon awakening I did feel somewhat refreshed and did some light gardening, kind of preparing for when the big guns get here.... my mother in law is amazing when it comes to gardens,(I can see where my wife gets her gardening skills from) I cant wait to see what she does with what we started. Its not that I'm expecting her to do anything, its just that I know her, and she wont be able to resist working in the soil. I am now done for the day and am going to get some more rest before the week starts. For some reason the serenity prayer comes to mind as I wind up this week. "God,..grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. Amen" That's all for now, Jeff

starting to feel it

12 treatments down 18 to go. My brother left this am , after a one week stay. he was a tremendous blessing to us as he assisted with not only driving me home after treatments but also some projects at the house. I am very blessed to have a brother, and he really came through for me this week. I was fortunate enough to see him off this am , he left about 2:30am MDT, I was up because I am starting to feel some of the more sever side effects of the radiation treatment. Sometimes it feels like I cant breath and that's because the radiation exit line passes right through me lower esophagus.This side effect has become increasingly more uncomfortable and it actually woke me up.My brother actually had a prayer cloth fed ex ed from his church and pastors,that had been prayed over,or into whatever the proper term is, for my health and recovery. Its actually a t-shirt and so except for when it needs washing I will be wearing it everyday for the duration of the treatments and recovery. We had a prayer ceremony last night and my entire family prayed over me and layed hands on me in my new "shirt" it was great. My brothers spiritual life has been growing at tremendous speed and I pray only the best for him and his wife so they may be powerful servants for the lord... I have tried to stay busy with projects around the house, but I am starting to feel fatigued and I know I need rest, but I dread just laying in bed , it can get really depressing. My mother in law is the next  relative due in for support and the girls, and boy are really excited about her coming. She has a green thumb and we are starting to plant our short season garden so she will be such a blessing to us right now. I am very tired and sore , I am noticing that my skin is subject to easy bruising and cuts. I had this the last time so its not as freaky to me this time. The scripture that I am drawing my strength from today is Joshua 1:9 ..."be strong and of good courage, do not be afraid nor dismayed, for the Lord you God is with you where ever you go...." well that's all for now, Jeff

8 treatments down 22 to go

well, my brother is finally here helping out, and what a help he has been, I am getting to the point in the treatments where I am getting fatigued and irritable immediately following the treatment, so it was nice to have a driver today. I weighed in last Thursday and I actually gained weight.!!! The Doctor suspects i am retaining water due to the medications they have me on for this round of the radiation. I am now up about 5 pounds, and the Doctor wants me to continue eating as usual. That's good because i am becoming fond of cupcake pebbles, either by the bowl or sprinkled on anything. They are like fruity pebbles or cocoa pebbles but a lot better. After treatment today my brother drove me to my favorite music store and we played pool, on this new table they got in there. then we played some songs on the guitars and then I was just too tired. Well I am going to take a short nap and then its back at it tomorrow. We leave at 6:45am to be there by 8:15. Tomorrow my brother is going to be allowed to watch the entire procedure from prep to nuke. It only takes about 15 minutes but it should be interesting for him. In a spiritual perspective I think of how tired and painful my day to day life has become and I compare it to the sacrifice that Jesus made for us on the cross, and I am basically a wimp. He paid the ultimate price for our sins and did it all in love. Well that's it for now.. thanks for listening to my head, Jeff

Wednesday's treatment, same ol,same ol

Well, its Wednesday and treatment number 5, 5 down and 25 to go. Today I am tired, and irritable and have a sore throat, actually it's not my throat its the area below the voice box and above the stomach, it feels like constant heartburn that cant be fixed with Rolaids or tums, so its is really burning right now. I have a headache behind my eyes that wont subside, but other than all of that, I am alive and my children are a blessing to me and my wife is a wonderful spouse that God himself must have selected for me. Because I am not that smart. Well, it is Wednesday and the Dr. was supposed to meet with me every Wednesday to check my progress, but that has been postponed until tomorrow, so I have to wait until then to see if we can treat the pain in my esophagus. Also i will weigh in tomorrow and see if I have lost any weight or held my own. I actually feel like I have gained weight. I have been very hungry all of the time and have not denied myself anything to eat. so we will see. I am hungry right now but I have some pain in my throat area so I don't have an appetite  for any pain swallowing might cause right now.My appointment tomorrow has been moved up to 7:15am instead of 10:30, due to the fact we need to go to the Homeschooling curriculum sale that is held once a year in Nampa at the annual convention. It looks like a long day for me, but we are taking my car so the ride should be comfortable. The bummer is we have to leave my house at 5:45am to make it on time.
Its a good thing we have my father in law here to watch the kids or our life would be a living....well you get the picture. A scripture that always gives me strength to carry on in times like this is Romans 8: 31..."Go what shall we say to these things ? If God be for us,who can be against us?...." 
well that all for now, I need to be in bed early, Jeff

Memorial Day

It's Memorial Day and I have no treatment until tomorrow. I am very grateful to those who gave the ultimate sacrifice for our nation, heck humanity for that fact. I realize without those who gave their lives I would not , in all reality have a chance to beat this cancer. I think of all of the advancements made in so many areas of life , manufacturing, medical , technology and we are directly benefiting from a free nation , secured by those who gave it all. So when I feel a little fatigued today, or have pain I need to remember what sacrifice really is, and note to myself that i have done little in that area. I am still being hit with sudden hunger attacks, which is good , because I can still eat, but they come sometimes in the middle of the night and I might wake people up as I am rummaging through the refrigerator for anything to microwave, followed by dessert ,of course. The doctor estimates that my body is in need of anywhere from 7500 to 10,000 calories per day right now just to stay even. this is a result of the radiation poisoning and my bodies efforts to combat it. I wonder if I am doing enough in my spiritual walk as well. Am I causing myself to have sudden Hunger attacks for Gods word ? The verse that comes to mind right now is Mathew 4:4 But he answered and said, It is written, Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of God.

 today I might get a chance to play the guitar , and that would be great for me and my mental state of health. That's all for now.Thanks , Jeff

3rd down and 27 yards to go, or 3rd and long

today was the 3rd treatment in a series of 30. I noticed a little discomfort in my throat the was prolonged and still hasn't subsided as I write this entry. I have a headache that wont go away and I am feeling a bit fatigued earlier than usual. Good thing is I have 3 days until my next treatment, due to the memorial day weekend. I will have the chance to have my body recover somewhat. I have noticed that I am very hungry most of the time, so this means I am burning a lot of calories, more than I can take in, but I am eating like a horse so this is a good thing. My father in law has been great, he has handled the kids while we go to treatment, and he has done a few of the items on my "honey do" list for me that I either don't have energy to do or in more cases than not the knowledge or skill to do. He has installed the wood burning fireplace and installed a couple of grounded outlets, which this house so desperately needs. He has done some other things too but they just don't come to mind right now. I do know that having him here has been great for my wife. She has been enjoying his visit and he has been a tremendous blessing to us. I am tired right now so I am signing off but before I do, the scripture that I read this morning before we left really struck a chord with me and it was  Hebrews 11:1 "faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen...." awesome stuff when you really think about it. that's all for now....

Treatment underway

today i completed my 2nd day of treatments. the Dr says i will need 30 treatments in all, so,...2 down 28 to go. My only side effect so far is a minor throat irritation and i am a little more tired than usual. I am going in to this round of treatments at a weight of 175.93. It will be interesting to see if i can keep up with the calorie requirements my body needs . I don't have a feeding tube this time so it should be a little better. My mental health is doing much better too. On the way to treatment today I was pulled over by Twin Falls finest for doing 40 in a 35, wow. I had my cruise control on and was doing 35, so it must be off or something because he was adamant about my speed. I decided not to argue the fact. I just told him that my mind might have been on other things as I was on my way to radiation treatment, etc... I also did not have my current insurance card, so,... he wrote me up for proof of insurance and gave me a warning on the speed. I can get the infraction dismissed by showing my current card which I have now placed in the car. If he felt any compassion for me it was by way of the speeding ticket warning, but he was still able to issue something to me to show he's doing his job. I will now have to stop by the courthouse in twin falls after radiation treatment to get it dismissed. at first I was a little put off by the situation, but after reflecting back I have much to be grateful for, one is that I have a car to drive, and that it is insured and that I have a valid license and current registration, so, I am blessed. I think of  2 Corinthians 12:9 "My grace is sufficient for you....."My father in law is visiting and helping out during the first part of treatment, I don't think he really believes how inexpensive real estate is here so he went out and I think he is buying some fixer upper so he could have something to do, I think he likes to stay busy. Truth is he is getting a great deal on a house and he could do very well when its done,... well that's all for now . 

first day of treatment

well,... i look back over my last post and see that i was not in a very good place. I need to be grateful for what i do have and look toward the future. I was just reflecting on the unfortunate things that have happened to people since my last post , and I am sure they would rather be on my shoes right now, there was that plane crash , and the numerous car bombs, natural disasters,etc... all innocent people hurt or died because of these events, I need to remember that I am still alive after three years and that is a lot more than I originally thought I could hope for , so, we fight on. Today we finally get to go into he hospital for my first treatment, and then counsel with my oncologist afterwards, we will get to see how long it will take and what time of the day we need to be there. We will be driving over 100 miles daily round trip for this treatment. The last time I started radiation treatment I was a very fat and comfortable 210 lbs. the radiation took almost 75 lbs off of me, and since then I have been able ti put weight back on , and now i am at 175. I hope and pray that I wont lose as much weight this time. I have somethings going for me and one is there will be no need for a feeding tube so i should be able to eat all the fattening stuff i want. as long as the radiation doesn't make me sick to my stomach i should be able to limit the amount of weight loss this time. I will be seeing the same radiation team as i saw last year so its going to be a weird kind of reunion. one i wish was under different circumstances. One of the good things about this time around is that we get to see family from California. My father in law is staying with us right now and he is here to help out the first leg of the treatment, then my brothers coming and then after him my mother in law, so, we, i mean my wife will get some much needed help with me not exactly able to handle things as per usual. Just remember to keep a positive attitude and it will work out as God has planned. Well, that's it for now....

a spiritual battle indeed

well, I went for my simulation test on Thursday... no word yet as to when I start my treatment, and we wait patiently for when. there is so many warring angles working right now I could not even comprehend it if I could see it in the flesh. so many factors are raging against me and my spiritual health right now that I know i need intervention from Jesus to help me. I want to , not do any of this, (write this blog, go thru with treatment, try to fight this again, it hurts too much. I can remember last time and I am not looking forward to it again. Why am I on this earth ???? three years now and i am still not free of this demon called cancer. just as I think i can start to look in a forward direction, bam sick again , and i am done. ! I know intellectually that I need a good attitude and as i read the last few days entry's i see that i had one. I think it has to do with the fact that I have become more of a liability to my family and friends than an asset and I never wanted to be that. it was really hard for me to go to the simulation test because they fit me with this mask again and it does not feel all that great. if you are the claustrophobic type then it is not for you. well at least i am keeping my commitment to write in this journal because that is all i have that I can say i have accomplished, I know this is a bad attitude day, but what do you want all sunshine and lollipop's. ? I suppose I should be grateful because others have it a lot worse than me so maybe the next entry will reflect a better me......

renewed energy

I'm feeling much better today after yesterdays virus. I am looking forward to spending the day with my little Hannah. Her and I will spend all day today in town ,just her and I. She seems to like that the best, and I get alot of great one on one time with her. She is such an awesome little kid. she is # 3 in the pecking order and yet she is sweet as can be with me and she loves the lord already and she is just 6. She actually looks like the little blond kid in the movie how to train your dinosaur named Astrid with some of the same tude. She sure has learned how to hold her own against her two older sisters who are no pushovers..the last time we spent time together like this we were talking about God and stories in the bible and she asked are there any girls that were great in the bible ? Wow , I realized I was not teaching her, her rightful place of greatness in life so I started with Eve and moved on from there but when I got to Esther she was interested in the fact that it was a true story and not just an other Veggie tales video. Interesting insight as to what the children comprehend..... I searched for a scripture where I felt all people,both men and women could gain courage from, in this instance and I liked  ..Acts 2:17-18 ..the best. Well tomorrow I go to the hospital for my simulation test. more to follow on that subject. I am really looking forward to practicing with my band on Friday. we have been off our regular schedule due to the bassist and lead singer is an over the road trucker for the summer and is only home a certain times , so Friday we practice. Music has been such a great tonic for me, It always lifts my spirits and I tend to forget about the pain in my arm during the few hours we play. well that all for now...

a slow day

Today I spent most of my time in bed with a nasty virus that has been going around. It makes it difficult to keep your attitude right when you are not feeling well. However, I can not let that deter me from what is ahead of me and I must keep the right attitude , because it will be necessary.
I asked my two older daughters the other day how they felt about me and the cancer coming back. There answers were wonderful, they have such a great attitude, one of them said well, it's not like this is the first time and you will be fine, they both are happy that I wont need a feeding tube this time because they know what difficulties that brings. One of my daughters did admit to me that she was sorry she did not want to come see me during the last time of treatments because she couldn't stand to see me in such pain. She asked me ,will it be like that again ? I told her that I did not know , but if it is she did not need to feel obligated to come see me while I was taking treatment, that it was OK and that I understood ,and that I knew she loved me. But I reminded them both that I will be making sure they do there chores, etc...they said , yeah great. I think I will get my youngest daughters feelings from her when the time is right. The last time she doted over me so much while I was in the hospital, and I don't know how she feels this time. Anyway....children are surely a blessing from God !!! That's all for today....

The waiting game

This week we wait for a game plan to treat my cancer. I go to the Hospital on Thursday to map out the radiation treatment plan, then we find out, will it be 5 or 7 weeks. Hoping for 5. I will also be seeing a Dr. that same day who will be doing a new test on me in regards to my neurological pathways that were completely rerouted and in some cases damaged after my first fight against this thing. I had to undergo a radical neck dissection the first time and it caused havoc to the right side of my body. I have continual pain in my right arm and numbness that hasn't subsided . This has been three years now. The hope is that they will be able to find out exactly where the damage is and if treatable , treat it. I have noticed a change in my sleeping patterns and I am not sure if it is due to stress or too much coffee, I think I will cut back on the stress.I look to the good book and find James 1:2-4 to quiet my mind and spirit, and to give me strength that there is a purpose to all of this.Well that's all I have right now.

Here we go again....

It seems that Satan does not want me to succeed in Gods plan for me. I am now looking at the challenge of beating cancer for the third time in three years. Wow, I guess the upside to all of this is that when I do beat it again, I will ask for Gods direction in my life and do what he tells me to do, instead of interpreting what I think he said to fit into what my plans are . I think this makes sense to those of you who are stubborn and thick headed ,(like me) who think there way is best and etc.... I think I am already doing that because I started this blog and ministry. I hope and pray that my overcoming these battles helps someone else who thinks they can't overcome or who thinks that God has forgotten about them. He hasn't. I will be receiving radiation treatment for this battle, could be anywhere from 5 and 1/2 weeks to 7 weeks. The lest time I battled this it was for 9 weeks. So,....I guess I am doing better this time. Remember attitude is everything when you go up against any challenge. Well I will let you know what happens next when I go for my radiation simulation test next Thursday. I will find out then the status of my treatment. ...Jeff